UnFathem Cortex – Page 15 – Unfathem Cortex

To All Who Are Concerned

I would like to take this opportunity to express my feelings on the matters of yesterday that was quite a while back, I do know that I still have some haters for the things that I tried to do, I was not trying to harm anyone or anything but I would like to share this information with you. I know where my place is now and make sure that you understand this, from previous posts on my blog I have to say that through everything that has happened I know you will be ok and fine finally, I need no acquaintance to say sorry as I would know that you have got the message I Am Deeply Sorry. I Have been taking medications to get me corrected and to make sure that my mental capabilities are correct and non-volatile. my only regret is that I did not speak out sooner and made the adjustments to know that it was wrong for me to do. my mind was playing tricks and I created a war that should never have been.

In the appreciating time that I had taken in a midst of a venue, I took time to re-analyze the purpose of this measure and found it to be false. I hope you will forget this and enjoy your life. I am not trying to recreate any of the acts but to only close a book that would never have been opened. I will find my life once more on the brink of eventuality that should show me the way to not miss diagnosing things. and to make a reasonable life that I may live.

Closure

After trying to get to talk to this one person for some time, I chanced it find out if I was mad or not, but in the sense of talking to the person, I was arrested afterwards but I finally found some form of factor that I was not liked to be going to the house or anywhere near the person, I got cautioned because I knew that I did wrong,

she did say that I was to get away,

I think that I can still hear her but I am trying not to listen and might be going to a spiritualist to seek some help.

Reality Vs My Concious

After So Long In My Plight To Gain Acceptance About My Anxiety, I Have Always Wondered If The Birds Where Ever Speaking To Me, I Am Starting To Be Lost In My Own Actions, I Know It To Be True In Some Context That The Person That I Was Persuing Was Also Persuing Me, But Never Meeting In The Middle. Being In Haste I Know I Should Be Around Her, But With The Deeds Of Before I Am Not Knowing Where I Stand, Even Though I Dream Of Her Now And Then My Heart Is Nearly Given Up. As Has She,

I Know I Can Not Look At Another Until I Find A Cure, Needing Information From Her Lips And Eyes,

I am a Transparent On Being Of Two Minds, Some Of Which I Have Grown Accustomed To Being Alone, And Other Trying To Reach Out, But I Have Never Really Lived A Life That Was Filled With Love, Only From the Parents I Had,

I Hope I Have Not Hurt Her In Any Way, Emotionally, I Did Not Mean To Make This A Source For Revenge Hatred As I Had Bottled A lot Of My Feelings Up For Soo Long,

I Say With All Envy I Am Cursed, Listening To Birds In My Neighbourhood For All Time, They Are Starting To Die Down But Always Come Back.

Mental State

The moon at night darkens with every minute that passes, up comes the sun to take away the
blues, Down comes the rain to wash away all the miseries, I say to you become not a Fool but an elegant human, broken plants strive to get well, branches unfold for nature’s commodity, every whim has its due, I am but a mere fool. I have said what I must, but deep within the earth has silenced me. I am trying to grow for sealing in all the light, I say listen to brothers gold, I am damaged and need to be reborn, taking in the vaccine that doctors do describe, living in doubt that I can hear you, a fathers pride has sent me messages “he makes me happy” for he can only use by carrier bird, i listen to what people do say, in angst, I must stay, please do me a favour and forget this charade.

I meant no harm on many levels, but thinking of one I must say empathetic, to love you is to not be with you, I hope someday my life changes, but all I see is your hurting heart, I do not want you to be hurt, or come to harm. every day passes that I know I will never be beside you but seen my future I had seen it true, for I wish I could turn back the hand of time, make all well and still be friends, all I have created was a feud between us, I still have heartburn thinking of you, anxiety kicks in on more than one, listen to your brother and all will be well. I am saying this because I do not want you to be hurt. live by your morals and see a happier day,

I know that we have never truly met face to face living by boundaries I do not climb, you will become upset reading this, but you will mend in time, I am the fool and not you, seeking is what I have done, never catching what I created my line, I know it is you who is trying soo hard to surround me with all your arms. people tell me lots of things that may be true, such as you living in another’s arms and glued to your children that mother does, but I have heard my father that this is not, I live in an only dream and that is all I can do. my illness is my curse. you will be well after you lay me in past, find the one you will, I state no names for all concerned. I hope you have a better life than what is now, be yourself and be true. I have meds that try and mend all that I have done, thinking people were trying to kill me I stayed up all that night, talking and listening to what had been said, getting information about them by psychic connection, that is why I am mad as I am, I don’t know my self what I am to be, having too many voices that I can control,

To be honest, to love you I must let you go. you are my valour
and strength, I bequeath your life without me.

please be happy and not sad, find your partner and love him so. For I must be alone.

Mind And Heart

When I dream I dream of you, When I awake I am not near you, I try to sleep but can’t stop thinking about you, My heart is filled with love just for you, Yet I cannot give it because I am far from you, Each day passes that we grow older, My heart still remains for the love of you, I am happy and sad for not being beside your side hand in hand. I would give my life to see you, then bask in the ambience of what may be, I give my heart of valour for you to see, even if for 5 mins of passion, I say to Thee I will always be your greatest admirer and friend for whatever turns out to be.

God have 13 years gone by for what has not been saying. like a candle on a cake, you ignite my love for only I can see, the light dies down and the love is lost, but one day came and ignited it back. now I cannot resist telling you this. That my love is only made for THEE. I hope you will find this in time and for I must now go and attend to a life of denial that I have no love and my heart empty. I do not care about what should be. but my heart has lingered long enough. i can’t even think straight (you may know what I mean), I am myself and no other, I am shy and lonely,

I Have encountered one instance of butterflies, Remember this I live up the hills and far away, In The Library of Spring 1999. Talking about science the chemicals, I Will always remember what my life has entailed being. living a life of complexity.

I May be dumb for all to see, but that is what I want them to see, deep down I am as strong as an OX.

Your Nose is still cute and not a piggy one as the others said in 96-97

I Will give my heart gladly but was told to stay away by little birdie. as I am only needed telling the once.

But I Still LOVE YOU.

Should Never Have Waited

I am just going to write what I think I should never have done that many years ago. for one I am alone in this so-called world, I have never really shown what my confidence would be because I have always hidden from the world. not initially from the outside world but to keep my mind bottled up most of the time, I did not want anybody to think that I was thick or a genius, so that was not so good for me either. I think that I have always been looked down upon to be a laughing stock, but I don’t mind because bigger minds look on,

I have always liked this one person and may always will but I will never ever know, every day that I started to admire this one person I always tried to suppress my feelings and become more natural without being too noticed, I just tried to keep my self to my self without making me look like a fool around that person as I was young I did not really know the meanings of how I am supposed to feel for the opposite sex. and if anybody knows me when reading this, I am not what you think I am, in regard to orientation. I could not really speak and became self-dissolved. I kept this up for quite some time and tried to say how I felt when getting near the end of a point in time. There has only ever been one time that I have had butterflies in me. and I will never tell you this. I would like to keep this a mystery.

After years of not being near Her. and at different venues, I have had the opportunities to go out with a few people, but I have always driven myself to be with one. even if I would never see them again and die lonely. I would still live on that love for it. fare enough I might not seem attractive but for some I do. or have. but I like to stick to my goals and conquests as I have a long determined mind. for this, I think that my mind had been carried over to try and be in the link without being noticed. that has helped me to be stronger in understanding I shall not be one. it only ever convened in my dreams.

I know this all sounds weird and sick, but things might happen if you believe and wait long enough for them to happen. Yet since being alone and loveless I have done things that would scare the mere mortals of this earth as in to find out about life and the consequences that come from it. just wanting to be near or to be with another person. see how the other lives. maybe born with it. have been dropped on my head when a baby. I am always slow in relating what I mean and what is needed to be said. I always waited for others too. now trying to present time, quite recently I had quite a good bit of hair and with my job, I had seen that person that I liked or loved so long ago and my spark started to set off once more. I still have not said what I want to say and is still hurting me from within, as I will never know because if I had the chance to find out the worse I would just be on my way and find my life.

This is all I am going to say to this point will be back later for more

Dreaming

I have a number of dreams that I can remember from growing up but some of them are really freaky.

1. I am at my nana and grandad’s house sitting on a table getting my Shoe-Laces tied by my grandad when i was about 3-4 years old. then another me halfway up the stairs looking down at me from a younger age, Aged about 8-9 also another me looking down at both my younger years at age 12-14 years of age.

can you sum this one up?

2. Falling

I have had this dream only on the odd occasion when I am at a block of flats or shopping centre where the height is quite high, I jump and feel the breeze hitting my face and my heart pounding like a drum. but then I hit the floor and feel some of the impact, I am not dead.

I later try to do this again with the knowledge that I have learned from the fall and put into practice falling again but this time to stop the impending floor by slowing my fall to bring me safely on my feet, also levitating before touching the ground.

3. before my family moved from one house to another. I have a strange inkling that when I was about 4-5 my dad was driving me and mam to my nana’s, I see a house on a street that we have passed thousands of times that I think that we might live there one day. I still remember this vividly. then when I was about 14 I had a dream as we moved with boxes in the room ready to be unpacked, waiting for mother to come home from work and me coming down the stairs and engaging in conversation. that I realised that I had dreamt this dream about 9 months prior to this encounter. that I ask my self is this deja vu or just being partly psychic.

Try and Unfathem out me

After years of living as a child, having no real worries about the world or what lies within it, i have found my self to be just the opposite. i am more unsocial than i ever was. i am now 27 nearly going to go onto 28, in a few months time. i have never really been out with someone, yet i have had the oppotunities a few times in my teens. i would say that i have only like one person that is. waiting for the end of the world just to be acknowledged. i have done many silly and disturbing things in the past, that i would like to put behind me and forget them all. but deep down it still tourments me from within.

i would like to say that when you are a child you come upon to be at one with everyone having the same commonality, being young and learning what life holds dear. but for this we are needing constant reminders about maintaining that commonality, but if you were to brake that and strive to look for more intuative information regarding all the elements on life, what the cause and effects are and how things belongs you can fundermentally find what is not belonging and how all the cause and effects are created. the main goal here is to find WHO I AM.

maybe i am one of two ideas, one that wants to stay with the pac, or the other that is trying to find freedom, to love and to not be loved, to be at one with the elements or to be hidden from sight. this is just a few thoughts running through my head constantly.

Here is one to think about. “if a person stays the same, they are trapped by being the same. if a person is has many faces they are shuned, if a person regards them selves as another, they are a clone” what does this all lead to. think about it LOGICALLY ask more than 10 questions regarding the one aspect and making sure that the answers can be answered Openly ( Where Do You Want To Go Today?).

i know that this is going to be my first blog and utterly famish (not in plain english) but please give me a chance. when the time comes i will write more,