Author: UnFathem Cortex

Just a viewer of time and what makes a day. I see and analyze what went before and after. Just looking through the schism of time.

Should Never Have Waited

I am just going to write what I think I should never have done that many years ago. for one I am alone in this so-called world, I have never really shown what my confidence would be because I have always hidden from the world. not initially from the outside world but to keep my mind bottled up most of the time, I did not want anybody to think that I was thick or a genius, so that was not so good for me either. I think that I have always been looked down upon to be a laughing stock, but I don’t mind because bigger minds look on,

I have always liked this one person and may always will but I will never ever know, every day that I started to admire this one person I always tried to suppress my feelings and become more natural without being too noticed, I just tried to keep my self to my self without making me look like a fool around that person as I was young I did not really know the meanings of how I am supposed to feel for the opposite sex. and if anybody knows me when reading this, I am not what you think I am, in regard to orientation. I could not really speak and became self-dissolved. I kept this up for quite some time and tried to say how I felt when getting near the end of a point in time. There has only ever been one time that I have had butterflies in me. and I will never tell you this. I would like to keep this a mystery.

After years of not being near Her. and at different venues, I have had the opportunities to go out with a few people, but I have always driven myself to be with one. even if I would never see them again and die lonely. I would still live on that love for it. fare enough I might not seem attractive but for some I do. or have. but I like to stick to my goals and conquests as I have a long determined mind.  for this, I think that my mind had been carried over to try and be in the link without being noticed. that has helped me to be stronger in understanding I shall not be one. it only ever convened in my dreams.

I know this all sounds weird and sick, but things might happen if you believe and wait long enough for them to happen. Yet since being alone and loveless I have done things that would scare the mere mortals of this earth as in to find out about life and the consequences that come from it. just wanting to be near or to be with another person. see how the other lives. maybe born with it. have been dropped on my head when a baby. I am always slow in relating what I mean and what is needed to be said. I always waited for others too.  now trying to present time, quite recently I had quite a good bit of hair and with my job, I had seen that person that I liked or loved so long ago and my spark started to set off once more. I still have not said what I want to say and is still hurting me from within, as I will never know because if I had the chance to find out the worse I would just be on my way and find my life.

This is all I am going to say to this point will be back later for more

Dreaming

I have a number of dreams that I can remember from growing up but some of them are really freaky.

1. I am at my nana and grandad’s house sitting on a table getting my Shoe-Laces tied by my grandad when i was about 3-4 years old. then another me halfway up the stairs looking down at me from a younger age, Aged about 8-9 also another me looking down at both my younger years at age 12-14 years of age.

can you sum this one up?

2. Falling

I have had this dream only on the odd occasion when I am at a block of flats or shopping centre where the height is quite high, I jump and feel the breeze hitting my face and my heart pounding like a drum. but then I hit the floor and feel some of the impact, I am not dead.

I later try to do this again with the knowledge that I have learned from the fall and put into practice falling again but this time to stop the impending floor by slowing my fall to bring me safely on my feet,  also levitating before touching the ground.

3. before my family moved from one house to another. I have a strange inkling that when I was about 4-5 my dad was driving me and mam to my nana’s, I see a house on a street that we have passed thousands of times that I think that we might live there one day. I still remember this vividly. then when I was about 14 I had a dream as we moved with boxes in the room ready to be unpacked, waiting for mother to come home from work and me coming down the stairs and engaging in conversation. that I realised that I had dreamt this dream about 9 months prior to this encounter. that I ask my self is this deja vu or just being partly psychic.

Try and Unfathem out me

After years of living as a child, having no real worries about the world or what lies within it, I have found myself to be just the opposite. I am more unsocial than I ever was. I am now 27 and nearly going to go on 28 in a few months’ time. I have never really been out with someone, yet I have had the opportunity a few times in my teens. I would say that I have only one person, that is. waiting for the end of the world just to be acknowledged. I have done many silly and disturbing things in the past that I would like to put behind me and forget them all. but deep down, it still torments me from within.

I would like to say that when you are a child, you come upon to be at one with everyone, having the same commonality, being young and learning what life holds dear. but for this we need constant reminders about maintaining that commonality. Still, suppose you were to break that and strive to look for more intuitive information regarding all the elements of life. In that case, what the causes and effects are and how things belong, you can fundamentally find what does not belong and how all the causes and effects are created. the main goal here is to find WHO I AM.

Maybe I am one of two ideas: one that wants to stay with the pack or the other that is trying to find freedom, to love and not be loved, to be at one with the elements or to be hidden from sight. These are just a few thoughts running through my head constantly.

Here is one to think about: ” If a person stays the same, they are trapped by being the same. If a person has many faces, they are shunned. If a person regards themselves as another, they are a clone.” What does this all lead to? Consider it logically, ask more than 10 questions regarding one aspect, and ensure the answers can be answered Openly ( Where Do You Want To Go Today?).

I know this will be my first blog, and I am utterly famished (not in plain English), but please give me a chance. when the time comes, I will write more,