I am just going to write what I think I should never have done that many years ago. for one I am alone in this so-called world, I have never really shown what my confidence would be because I have always hidden from the world. not initially from the outside world but to keep my mind bottled up most of the time, I did not want anybody to think that I was thick or a genius, so that was not so good for me either. I think that I have always been looked down upon to be a laughing stock, but I don’t mind because bigger minds look on,
I have always liked this one person and may always will but I will never ever know, every day that I started to admire this one person I always tried to suppress my feelings and become more natural without being too noticed, I just tried to keep my self to my self without making me look like a fool around that person as I was young I did not really know the meanings of how I am supposed to feel for the opposite sex. and if anybody knows me when reading this, I am not what you think I am, in regard to orientation. I could not really speak and became self-dissolved. I kept this up for quite some time and tried to say how I felt when getting near the end of a point in time. There has only ever been one time that I have had butterflies in me. and I will never tell you this. I would like to keep this a mystery.
After years of not being near Her. and at different venues, I have had the opportunities to go out with a few people, but I have always driven myself to be with one. even if I would never see them again and die lonely. I would still live on that love for it. fare enough I might not seem attractive but for some I do. or have. but I like to stick to my goals and conquests as I have a long determined mind. for this, I think that my mind had been carried over to try and be in the link without being noticed. that has helped me to be stronger in understanding I shall not be one. it only ever convened in my dreams.
I know this all sounds weird and sick, but things might happen if you believe and wait long enough for them to happen. Yet since being alone and loveless I have done things that would scare the mere mortals of this earth as in to find out about life and the consequences that come from it. just wanting to be near or to be with another person. see how the other lives. maybe born with it. have been dropped on my head when a baby. I am always slow in relating what I mean and what is needed to be said. I always waited for others too. now trying to present time, quite recently I had quite a good bit of hair and with my job, I had seen that person that I liked or loved so long ago and my spark started to set off once more. I still have not said what I want to say and is still hurting me from within, as I will never know because if I had the chance to find out the worse I would just be on my way and find my life.
This is all I am going to say to this point will be back later for more
