I know I have not written anything thing for a while now since my computer crashed on me and had to reset everything. and installing windows 7 for the future.
Now Here is what I want to say, someday I will die and I am glad of it as I am bored with this one as I have lost my job which I liked because of careless mistakes that I have been having as a bad habit.
Had A Dream Of My Former Four Legged Friends Last Night. This entailed That I Would Not Let Them Out of my sight. as one of them went off or was dog-napped when I was a youngster. this one was one of my best friends and I have had four dogs in my life up to today. the first was an Alsation, who I had known since I was born, she followed me nearly everywhere I went. and was my main protector apart from my parents.
my second dog was king Charles who inadvertently was miss treated and hell he could snore loudly. he passed away nearly 17 years ago. and could spell out a biscuit or chocolate buttons from Cadbury. he lived a good life and could pick out the carrots that were given to him from our leftover Sunday dinners.
my third dog was called Cyndi. and only lived a short while.
now since my dream, I was always near my beloved dogs and still was given kisses by them when asked and would always look to see that they are near. I think that this is because I may not want to be alone when members of my family pass. I only have my mother and brother who is married with three children. as all my grandparents and father have gone to the spirit in the sky. Even though people portray an animal as a none entity they do not miss them when they pass. I for one still like to remember them, no matter how long ago it was since I saw them last.
Hi Everyone Just an update on what I have been up to. recently I hurt my ankle playing football, it’s now been over a month since I was at work, and my works place keeps calling now and then to see how I am doing and when I will be going back. The immediate care that I have received has been great, yet I will soon be going to a physio to sort out the structural plan for getting me back to work and to see how bad my ankle is so that I may carry on delivering letters. This is because I am a Lost person who likes to put letters through your letter box.
Hi Everybody Who May Have Read Some Of My Posts. I Would Like To Say That I Have Finally Concluded That I Am Back To My Usual Self, And Got Rid Of Any Anxieties That I Have Had Regarding Someone.
I Have Been Taking Medication To Get Me Back On Track To A More Lively State And None Volatile Nature, Even So I Had No Grounds On Hurting Anybody When I Was Ill. Its Now Been Some Time Since I Wrote About It And Need No More Grounds On Concluding Its Outcome.
I Sincerely Hope To Continue To Write About My Hobbies, Interests, Aspects Of My Live That I Hope You Will Enjoy.
Thank You For Listening.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my feelings on the matters of yesterday that was quite a while back, I do know that I still have some haters for the things that I tried to do, I was not trying to harm anyone or anything but I would like to share this information with you. I know where my place is now and make sure that you understand this, from previous posts on my blog I have to say that through everything that has happened I know you will be ok and fine finally, I need no acquaintance to say sorry as I would know that you have got the message I Am Deeply Sorry. I Have been taking medications to get me corrected and to make sure that my mental capabilities are correct and non-volatile. my only regret is that I did not speak out sooner and made the adjustments to know that it was wrong for me to do. my mind was playing tricks and I created a war that should never have been.
In the appreciating time that I had taken in a midst of a venue, I took time to re-analyze the purpose of this measure and found it to be false. I hope you will forget this and enjoy your life. I am not trying to recreate any of the acts but to only close a book that would never have been opened. I will find my life once more on the brink of eventuality that should show me the way to not miss diagnosing things. and to make a reasonable life that I may live.
After trying to get to talk to this one person for some time, I chanced it find out if I was mad or not, but in the sense of talking to the person, I was arrested afterwards but I finally found some form of factor that I was not liked to be going to the house or anywhere near the person, I got cautioned because I knew that I did wrong,
she did say that I was to get away,
I think that I can still hear her but I am trying not to listen and might be going to a spiritualist to seek some help.
I Know I Can Not Look At Another Until I Find A Cure, Needing Information From Her Lips And Eyes,
I am a Transparent On Being Of Two Minds, Some Of Which I Have Grown Accustomed To Being Alone, And Other Trying To Reach Out, But I Have Never Really Lived A Life That Was Filled With Love, Only From the Parents I Had,
I Hope I Have Not Hurt Her In Any Way, Emotionally, I Did Not Mean To Make This A Source For Revenge Hatred As I Had Bottled A lot Of My Feelings Up For Soo Long,
I Say With All Envy I Am Cursed, Listening To Birds In My Neighbourhood For All Time, They Are Starting To Die Down But Always Come Back.
The moon at night darkens with every minute that passes, up comes the sun to take away the
blues, Down comes the rain to wash away all the miseries, I say to you become not a Fool but an elegant human, broken plants strive to get well, branches unfold for nature’s commodity, every whim has its due, I am but a mere fool. I have said what I must, but deep within the earth has silenced me. I am trying to grow for sealing in all the light, I say listen to brothers gold, I am damaged and need to be reborn, taking in the vaccine that doctors do describe, living in doubt that I can hear you, a fathers pride has sent me messages “he makes me happy” for he can only use by carrier bird, i listen to what people do say, in angst, I must stay, please do me a favour and forget this charade.
I meant no harm on many levels, but thinking of one I must say empathetic, to love you is to not be with you, I hope someday my life changes, but all I see is your hurting heart, I do not want you to be hurt, or come to harm. every day passes that I know I will never be beside you but seen my future I had seen it true, for I wish I could turn back the hand of time, make all well and still be friends, all I have created was a feud between us, I still have heartburn thinking of you, anxiety kicks in on more than one, listen to your brother and all will be well. I am saying this because I do not want you to be hurt. live by your morals and see a happier day,
I know that we have never truly met face to face living by boundaries I do not climb, you will become upset reading this, but you will mend in time, I am the fool and not you, seeking is what I have done, never catching what I created my line, I know it is you who is trying soo hard to surround me with all your arms. people tell me lots of things that may be true, such as you living in another’s arms and glued to your children that mother does, but I have heard my father that this is not, I live in an only dream and that is all I can do. my illness is my curse. you will be well after you lay me in past, find the one you will, I state no names for all concerned. I hope you have a better life than what is now, be yourself and be true. I have meds that try and mend all that I have done, thinking people were trying to kill me I stayed up all that night, talking and listening to what had been said, getting information about them by psychic connection, that is why I am mad as I am, I don’t know my self what I am to be, having too many voices that I can control,
To be honest, to love you I must let you go. you are my valour
and strength, I bequeath your life without me.
please be happy and not sad, find your partner and love him so. For I must be alone.
God have 13 years gone by for what has not been saying. like a candle on a cake, you ignite my love for only I can see, the light dies down and the love is lost, but one day came and ignited it back. now I cannot resist telling you this. That my love is only made for THEE. I hope you will find this in time and for I must now go and attend to a life of denial that I have no love and my heart empty. I do not care about what should be. but my heart has lingered long enough. i can’t even think straight (you may know what I mean), I am myself and no other, I am shy and lonely,
I Have encountered one instance of butterflies, Remember this I live up the hills and far away, In The Library of Spring 1999. Talking about science the chemicals, I Will always remember what my life has entailed being. living a life of complexity.
I May be dumb for all to see, but that is what I want them to see, deep down I am as strong as an OX.
Your Nose is still cute and not a piggy one as the others said in 96-97
I Will give my heart gladly but was told to stay away by little birdie. as I am only needed telling the once.
But I Still LOVE YOU.
I have always liked this one person and may always will but I will never ever know, every day that I started to admire this one person I always tried to suppress my feelings and become more natural without being too noticed, I just tried to keep my self to my self without making me look like a fool around that person as I was young I did not really know the meanings of how I am supposed to feel for the opposite sex. and if anybody knows me when reading this, I am not what you think I am, in regard to orientation. I could not really speak and became self-dissolved. I kept this up for quite some time and tried to say how I felt when getting near the end of a point in time. There has only ever been one time that I have had butterflies in me. and I will never tell you this. I would like to keep this a mystery.
After years of not being near Her. and at different venues, I have had the opportunities to go out with a few people, but I have always driven myself to be with one. even if I would never see them again and die lonely. I would still live on that love for it. fare enough I might not seem attractive but for some I do. or have. but I like to stick to my goals and conquests as I have a long determined mind. for this, I think that my mind had been carried over to try and be in the link without being noticed. that has helped me to be stronger in understanding I shall not be one. it only ever convened in my dreams.
I know this all sounds weird and sick, but things might happen if you believe and wait long enough for them to happen. Yet since being alone and loveless I have done things that would scare the mere mortals of this earth as in to find out about life and the consequences that come from it. just wanting to be near or to be with another person. see how the other lives. maybe born with it. have been dropped on my head when a baby. I am always slow in relating what I mean and what is needed to be said. I always waited for others too. now trying to present time, quite recently I had quite a good bit of hair and with my job, I had seen that person that I liked or loved so long ago and my spark started to set off once more. I still have not said what I want to say and is still hurting me from within, as I will never know because if I had the chance to find out the worse I would just be on my way and find my life.
This is all I am going to say to this point will be back later for more
